


My Apocalypse

by bavarian_angel



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Episode Related, Hospital, Hurt Kelly Severide, M/M, Serious Injuries, Surgery, Whump, Worried Matthew Casey, terror attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:27:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26255623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bavarian_angel/pseuds/bavarian_angel
Summary: A Matt/Kelly spin on "I Am The Apocalypse".
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 11
Kudos: 77





	My Apocalypse

**Author's Note:**

> For me this is the ultimate Kelly!Whump episode. I tweaked some things and added a bit more whump ;)

Standing in the kitchen of Matt’s apartment, Kelly stared the cup in his hand. He didn’t speak Spanish, so he had no idea what the red inscription said, but it was enough to know to whom this cup had once belonged.

To anybody knowing Kelly, he never seemed insecure in any way - not in the job, not in his personal life. The only person, who had ever gotten a glimpse of this side of him, wasn’t here any more. He knew that Shay would kick his ass for even thinking that he wasn’t good enough for Matt; that he might just be a temporary replacement for Gabby, that ‘one homosexual phase’ so many men had in their life.

And yet, he just couldn’t get rid of these thoughts.

When Kelly suddenly heard Matt getting out of the bedroom upstairs, he shoved the cup back inside the cupboard, quickly taking out two other ones, before pouring coffee in them.

~*~

A gas leak, even if it occurred in a factory, usually wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for them. Helping inhalation victims into the squad and truck vehicles, however, didn’t come as a day to day business.

Matt had just helped the last guy into the cabin of the truck, when he felt someone approaching from behind. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was, especially not when he felt the heavy hand on his shoulder.

“You sure you’re okay? You were pretty close to that explosion.”

Matt knew that they didn’t have time for a long conversation now, so he just turned around and smiled at Kelly.

“Don’t worry. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

~*~

Matt came around to a shrill ringing in his ears, so much worse than any alarm clock. He surely wasn’t in his bed. It was way too uncomfortable, dusty and smelled like smoke. Swallowing against the dry feeling in his throat, Matt tried to remember what had happened; pictures and words were coming up of that guy and the grenade, of shouting and _worse than Ebola_ , of somebody shoving him down behind the ED desk before the explosion.

When he finally opened his eyes and took a look around, Matt got an idea what war would usually look like. The whole front area of Med’s ED department was covered in smoky dust and chaos had already set it. As much as his human brain wanted to panic, he quickly managed to set his mind into professional mode with Boden’s voice already blaring over the radio.

“Chief, some guy blew himself up in here. He said he had something worse than Ebola.”

Looking to his right, Matt saw Gabby getting up on all fours, coughing against the smoke.

“Dawson, you okay?”

For a moment she looked up at him, the fear apparent in her eyes, but she finally nodded. Still, Matt looked her over before he was convinced and got up himself.

With the help of a doctor, Matt quickly helped trying to get the situation under control while accounting for his own team and deputing tasks - until he suddenly heard Otis’ voice calling out.

“Hey, over here! It’s Severide!”

Up until this moment Matt hadn’t even realized that he hadn’t seen Kelly yet. There simply couldn’t have been any other way than him being okay and already doing his job again.

Together with Brett and Mills he rushed over to where Kelly was lying on the floor and one look was enough to make it harder for him to breathe. There was so much blood on his back, under him on the floor and on the side of his face and for a moment Matt feared the worst. He couldn’t control his shaking hands as he dropped to his knees, unable to touch Kelly, afraid of hurting him or...

Pictures of this morning appeared in Matt’s mind, waking up with his arm around Kelly, his own face buried in the other man’s neck. Taking in Kelly’s unique smell, he had wished for himself that his mornings would always look like this.

“He’s got a weak pulse.”

Hearing Brett’s words, Matt took a shallow breath while Mills listed Kelly’s obvious injuries and Dr. Halstead felt his pulse aswell.

“Nah, black tag. His injuries are too severe. He’s gone.”

Mills was about to protest, but before he even had a chance to do so, Matt got up, gripping Will by his white coat and pushing him hard against the desk behind his back.

“Don’t you fucking dare. That’s my... that’s my boyfriend you’re talking about. You’re a fucking doctor. Do your job!”

Matt was very much aware of his colleagues staring at his back. Not only was this a kind of behaviour he would usually never show on the job, but up until now his relationship with Kelly had been a secret. But Matt didn’t give a fuck any more. Not if he could help it.

He was still holding Will by his coat, staring at him with angry tears in his eyes, when the doctor finally nodded.

“No problem. Grab a gurney.”

Matt swallowed down the tears before finally letting go of Will. Mills had already brought over a gurney by the time Matt had turned around again and as carefully as possible they lifted Kelly onto it.

“Trauma bay 4. Get him on oxygen and start cutting off the jacket, but wait to uncover the wounds. I’ll be right there.”

Matt didn’t even hear Will’s words as he helped pushing the gurney. His eyes were fixated on Kelly’s still face, hoping for any kind of reaction, but there was nothing. While Brett and Mills started to cut away Kelly’s turnout gear, Matt grabbed his radio, hardly able to hold it in his shaking hand.

“Chief. Severide took a hit from the explosion. Seems pretty bad... Doc wanted to... to black tag...”

He could only hope that Boden couldn’t hear the tears in his voice.

“Okay. Keep me in the loop.”

Matt nodded, even though he knew the Chief wouldn’t be able to see him. By now they had finished cutting the backside of Kelly’s jacket open. The blue shirt he was wearing underneath was bloody and sticking to his back, but on the first look it didn’t seem too bad. But gave Matt no sense of relief, knowing that the wounds to his chest must be even worse then.

“Help me turn him around.”

Quickly pulling on a pair of gloves, Matt helped Brett and Mills to turn Kelly on his back and slowly pull off the rest of the turnout jacket. One look was enough for all three of them to know that the explosion must have hit Kelly right into the chest, the grenade ripping open several deep gashes that were bleeding heavily.

“Casey?”

Hermann’s voice made Matt look up as the older firefighter gestured towards him that he needed help outside. At the same time a blonde doctor rushed into the trauma bay, immediately grabbing gloves and assessing the situation. Knowing that there was nothing else he could do for Kelly right now, Matt lay his hand on his lover’s head before bending down and pressing a soft kiss on a place on his forehead where he didn’t have any wounds.

“Don’t you dare to leave me, babe.”

It didn’t matter to Matt if anybody else had heard those whispered words as long as they had gone through to Kelly in this moment. With a heavy heart, he finally turned around and started helping Hermann with a couple of small electrical fires as well as returning patients who had tried to flee from the ED earlier.

If it hadn’t been for his years of experience of traumatic situations, Matt wouldn’t have been able to do his work right here and now, not with Kelly fighting for his life in that trauma bay. As soon as he had a moment to spare again, Matt walked over and had a look inside through the glass door.

The surgeon had already cut away Kelly’s shirt, giving her access to his bleeding torso. He couldn’t hear what she was saying to Brett and Mills, but the worried expressions on their faces was telling him enough - until the alarm of the stats monitor even got through to him.

Matt might have been only be a first responder with limited medical knowledge, but the dropping O2 percentage made one thing clear; Kelly had stopped breathing on his own. Fighting back a sob, Matt could only look on as Mills rushed to intubate Kelly, but the younger man obviously had some problems before he finally managed to get the tube in. Matt only started to breathe again when he saw that Kelly was slowly stabilizing.

“Don’t fucking give up, Kelly.” Matt mumbled before he turned around again, knowing that he was no help to his boyfriend right now, but there were enough other people around he could take care of.

~*~

What felt like an eternity, but probably was less than 30 minutes, and a big electrical fire and one crazy patient later, Matt felt the first bouts of exhaustion kicking in. Leaning against the wall, he tried to take a deep breath, but right away his thoughts went to Kelly and this time he couldn’t hold back the tears any more.

Hoping that nobody was watching him, he let the tears run freely. He needed to let it out or else he wouldn’t make it any further through the day. After a long moment, he ran his hand over his face, trying to wipe away any traces, but he knew that his eyes were probably red from crying.

“Matt? You okay?”

He hadn’t heard Gabby approaching and quickly swallowed against the lump in his throat when he looked up at her.

“Yeah...”

She didn’t need to say anything, but Matt could see it in her eyes that she knew that he was lying.

“Any news on Severide?”

He could only shake his head and look away. There were several unasked questions in the air and he wasn’t ready to answer any of them. He couldn’t talk about the love he had found in Kelly, not to his ex-girlfriend, not in this situation. On the other hand, he didn’t know how to get away without seeming rude, until Brett’s voice suddenly called through the room:

“I need a thoracotomy tray.”

He watched April rushing into one of the rooms and bringing Brett what she needed. And without even thinking about it, Matt followed her back to the trauma bay where they were operating on Kelly.

It looked like a makeshift OR by now. Most of Kelly’s body was covered with sheets and Mills was bagging him manually due to a lack of a ventilator in this room. As soon as Brett returned with the thoracotomy tray, she switched positions with him.

There was this heavy feeling settling in Matt’s chest and he just couldn’t get rid of it; he didn’t like it at all. Yet he couldn’t look away, until he suddenly felt a hand on his back. It was Will who gestured at him to come into the room with him. Slowly nodding, Matt followed him inside, knowing that by now everybody of 51 who had ended up inside the ED was standing behind him, anxiously waiting for news on Severide.

Inside the trauma bay, Matt and Will kept to the wall of the room, not wanting to interfere with the surgery. But it was enough for Matt to see the rib spreader in Kelly’s chest to fight the bile rising up from his stomach.

“Stats are dropping. 78%...”

“One more piece...”

Matt could feel his own heart beating heavily inside his chest as he looked from the surgeon to Will’s worried facial expression and back.

“Got it.”

Just when the surgeon pulled out the last shrapnel of the grenade and everybody was about to breathe a sigh of relief, a massive gush of blood spurt out of the wound.

“Arterial bleeder!”

“Damn it!”

Within a second the positive vibe of the situation turned catastrophic as several alarms rang out from the monitor, more and more blood gashed out of the wound and the surgeon called Will over for help - when Kelly’s heart suddenly stopped beating.

~*~

Kelly felt a strange tingly feeling throughout his whole body; nothing he had ever experienced before. The last thing he remembered was the guy with the grenade and trying to get to him after pushing Matt out of the way.

He slowly opened his eyes and at first he had no idea what he was looking at. It was like all the color had disappeared and the world had turned into shades of grey. Nothing was clear, almost like he was under water. It was hard to make out, but it looked like an OR or something similar. Several people were standing around the gurney. They were moving in slow motion and Kelly couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“They are trying to save your life.”

He knew that voice. Turning around, he saw her leaning against the wall, in full color and a sad smile on her face.

“Shay...”

Kelly was unable to move when she walked over to him and lay her hand against his cheek before he finally wrapped her up in a strong hug.

“You fucking idiot... Why are you running around throwing yourself at grenades?”

“I had to do something.”

“Yeah, and look what you got yourself into for that.”

Shay pulled back and they both looked back at the scene at the gurney.

“Shay-”

“It’s not your time yet, Kelly.”

She slowly turned his face towards the other side of the room and it was only now that Kelly saw who else was in the room.

“Matt...”

“Don’t leave him hanging. That poor guy has been through enough. You’re good for each other...”

~*~

It felt like an eternity until they finally stopped the bleeding and managed to get Kelly’s heart beating again. By now Matt had crumbled into a heap on the floor, only mumbling a broken _thank you_ , when he finally heard the uplifting words:

“Vitals are stable.”

~*~

The next hour passed by like a blur for Matt. While they were still closing up Kelly, Hermann came inside with the news that they had not contracted the virus and that the ER would be opening up again. And from one moment to the next, the world started turning again. After struggling to get back on his feet, Matt made his way outside to see Boden, knowing he needed to inform him about everything that happened as well as help organizing turnover. By the time they were finished, they had brought Kelly up to make some scans and get him settled into a room. About to look for him, Will held him back.

“He’ll be out for the next few hours, Casey. Go take a breather. He probably won’t come fully around until tomorrow morning.”

Matt looked at him for a long moment, contemplating his own exhaustion, before he finally nodded.

“You’re probably right.”

~*~

Kelly came around to the beeping of a heart monitor. Wondering why his own bed had suddenly turned so uncomfortable and why he actually had a heart monitor at home, he slowly opened his eyes.

The room was lingering semi-darkness, the only light coming from the hallway outside. His whole body felt sore and he somehow had the feeling that should hurt more if it wasn’t for some kind of painkillers they had probably given him. But otherwise, Kelly had no idea why he was in a hospital room.

The last thing he remembered was bringing inhalation victims to Med, but that didn’t explain his own state. Something must have happened, but he was still too drowsy to call for a nurse or a doctor. The only thing his mind registered before falling asleep again was that he was alone and that somehow hurt more than whatever injuries he had.

~*~

Matt had left Molly’s after one drink. He simply couldn’t sit there and celebrate while Kelly was lying in the hospital. While his body yearned for his bed, he actually took a different direction because Matt knew that he wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway - not when he was alone in that bed.

Being that late at night meant a quiet hospital with barely anyone around. Matt had used his charm at the front desk to get Kelly’s room number and his state as a firefighter to get past the restricted visitation hours.

And it was only when he stepped into Kelly’s room as quietly as possible, seeing his boyfriend asleep and hearing him slightly snoring, that all the stress of the day finally fell from Matt’s shoulders. He carefully pulled a chair up to Kelly’s bed and tried to get into a comfortable position with his head on his arms next to Kelly’s body on the mattress when he felt the other man stir.

“Babe?”

“Hmm... Matt? You’re here?”

Kelly only squinted at him, obviously not completely awake.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, baby.”

“Glad... bout that...”

Matt softly kissed Kelly’s forehead.

“Go back to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

**Author's Note:**

> The one scene that really stands out to me in the episode is when Gabby asks Matt for news on Severide and you can clearly see that Matt has red eyes as if he had been crying (my poor heart!)
> 
> And I just needed to get Matt into the hospital in the end because I can't believe that they all go celebrating while Kelly is in the hospital. And when he turns around in his hospital bed after his talk with April, he looks so sad and my heart breaks for Kelly.


End file.
